They are men but I see babies and the best years of my life

My boys (Picture author’s own)

My babies are growing older. Our four walls are no longer insulated with the daily sounds of raucous footsteps, laughter, and balls bouncing. Only occasionally does the sweet serenade of motherhood now meet my ears.

When it does, I settle into the moment.

No longer the young mom racing to fit everything in and take care of the next meal or errand. I am present. I stare at my babies. My now-grown babies. And I smile.

They are mine. And I am theirs.

But they grew and grew until our four walls burst and they made their escape.

As they…

Or maybe just the man I’m looking for

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Our world is a different place than it once was. The strength of a man is no longer measured by false bravado but rather his confidence to love. It’s out with the gender-specific roles of yesterday and in with the respect every relationship deserves.

Okay, maybe the entire world hasn’t progressed.

But it should.

Because women are searching for a man who values her as much as himself.

A guy who’s smart and understands mature women are no longer attracted to the ‘bad boy,’ ‘hard to get guy,’ or ‘male chauvinist.’ …

Why we stay long after we should have left

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I knew within the first several years something was terribly wrong. I married a man I no longer recognized. Making it even more confusing, we had dated nearly six years before our wedding day.

How could someone be so different?

I would keep my secret since I had married a great guy who everyone loved.

The only person I would confide my truth to was his sister. Because I loved her like a best friend and I knew no matter what he did she would still love him.

I knew my family and friends would not.

We get ourselves into…

Not all counselors understand this complex disorder

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If you inhabit the world of a narcissist, you can feel both helpless and hopeless. Ultimately, you will search for support. How do you understand this person you love? Who are they? Why do they behave the way they do?

It would seem reasonable a licensed counselor could detect Narcissistic personality disorder.

Not to mention provide the proper guidance.

But it’s not that simple.

Which further compounds an already complex mental health disorder.

Especially for those who have fallen in love with a true narcissist.

Recently, I heard a woman say she was leaving her narcissistic spouse. Her therapist advised…

Once you realize what has been missing

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The longer you’re with a narcissist you realize something’s missing. But there’s so much charming noise it’s hard to figure out exactly what it is. Instead, it becomes a nagging thought that follows you around.

Something is not right. But the feeling comes as easily as it goes. You dismiss it.

Unless you’ve loved a narcissist, it’s hard to describe. There is a sense that all is right with this person while simultaneously all is wrong. Two highly conflicting messages flung towards your head and heart.

It’s a struggle to capture the confusion you feel…before you realize you do not…

Relationships and Dating

Here’s the reason why and here’s the man I’m looking for

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People tell me I should date. I think they believe it’s a magical post-break-up fix. A cure-all for the recovering heart.

It’s not that I don’t ponder it.

I’m just not ready.

When I broke up with my husband I lost myself.

Not because he stole me.

But because I freely gave myself away.

Nothing makes me sadder than sharing these words.

But I failed to protect myself and got lost.

Honestly, I didn’t have self-protective instincts.

In my absolute belief in love, friendship, union, loyalty, and all things good…I refused to believe the one I loved could harm who…

Is there someone in our lives we never get over?

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I know a woman whose husband left her for his high school girlfriend. My friend is gorgeous, smart, kind, and all things good in this world. The other woman is far less attractive among other things.

“I don’t get it,” a few of the girls' remark.

“He’s not looking at the woman of today,” I say. “For him, it’s senior year and the girl who got away wants him.”

And that’s a powerful thing.

If only we could stay frozen in time as those beautiful young beings. Maybe all of our spouses would continue to gaze romantically in our direction…

The secret to giving the best gift.

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True story…

It’s Mother’s Day and we’re sitting in church.

My husband turns to one of our children, whispers, and exits the pew.

I don’t give it much thought until he doesn’t come back. I lean over and ask my son what his father told him. He says his dad was running to the bathroom.

Makes sense. Why else do people leave in the middle of mass? Sans a fidgety toddler or crying baby.

I send one of my boys to check on their dad in case he is sick.

But there’s no dad in the restroom.

Finally, as the…

Here’s the reason I didn’t choose one.

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My husband broke my heart. He was capable of things I never thought possible. It has taken me a long time to heal from this incredibly unhealthy relationship.

But here’s the thing.

I chose him.

Believe me, I dated a lot of guys who were truly good men.

But that was too easy. Not thrilling enough for me. Not enough of a chase. I was too young to understand what this meant. I thought I was immature and ‘fickle.’

I was certain as I grew up I would gravitate towards the right type of guy. And eventually, during college, it…

One thing every stay-at-home mom needs to consider

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When we make the choice to stay home and raise our children we think we are giving up an income. At this point, the world is somewhat black and white. Two things are driving our decision, money, and emotion.

And of course, the immediate future.

How do we make the transition from two to a family?

There’s little long-term planning.

Few what-ifs, hypotheticals, or solid agreements.

There’s too much joy and not enough energy to do anything but live in the moment. Let alone believe anything ominous could present itself in our relationship's future.

We don’t believe the love of…

Colleen Sheehy Orme

National Relationship Columnist, Freelance Journalist & Former Business Columnist. All Shapes of Love — #WomanResurrected

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