Hi Barbara, I think some people like you are very fortunate. Others like me married people who didn't have the ability to go deeper or outside of themselves. My ex-husband was diagnosed as lacking empathy and narcissistic personality disorder on the severe end of the spectrum. So he didn't have the ability to go deep in any capacity. But it doesn't take a narcissist to have a shallow relationship. Most of us are young when we meet our partners and we are having fun and it can take years to realize there wasn't necessarily a deeper or better connection.