How Did I Attract a Narcissist?

Understanding how I unknowingly made my relationship choices

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It had taken months to work up the courage to ask my marriage counselor a foreboding question. A haunting question that spooked me.

The world is far too complex for that. There are moments where absolutely some things can neatly fall into the black and into the white. And other moments where they should never be so rigidly defined.

I hadn’t accidentally stumbled upon the narcissist. How I wish this were true. And in non-textbook terms, some may. But I knew I hadn’t.

I often wonder if my determination to not marry an unpredictable alcoholic had led me towards another unpredictable personality. I had no counseling as a child. Just a desire to not repeat the past and marry someone with that particular illness. But had I unwittingly been drawn to another severe personality? One who was equally as chaotic and unpredictable.

The people-pleaser and fixer in me had gravitated towards the golden boy. It’s not an uncommon match. The pleaser and fixer will continue to make sure the world revolves around the golden boy.

In childhood, the golden child is usually allowed to come and go as they please. The family doesn’t hold them accountable to the same rules and typically revolves around them.

But I had found my emotional Yin and Yang. The individual who complimented the role I played in childhood. This is why it felt so right. This is why this particular man felt familiar and comfortable to me. And unfortunately, to my young self — safe.

Certainly, anyone who has fallen into the snares of a narcissist will have moments of desperation. We chose them — these charming yet emotionally corrupt beings.

I am the adult child of an alcoholic. I am the ex-wife of a narcissist.

Written by

National Relationship Columnist, Freelance Journalist & Former Business Columnist. All Shapes of Love — #WomanResurrected

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