In my case, I learned in counseling that I was an enabler. An enabler is an overly caring person who tolerates bad behavior again and again. My counselor asked me why I did and I said, I thought I was being kind. He said kindness if forgiving bad behavior once or twice enabling is forgiving it over and over again. Also, I learned in counseling that we play roles in the families we grew up in. I was a pleaser and a fixer and I married a Golden Boy who could come and go and do as he pleased. I kept fixing everything and he kept doing what he wanted. We attracted ourselves to one another because of our family of origin and the roles we played in them.