The Biggest Reason to Fear a Narcissist
They will hurt their children if they see it as a means of winning
Like any good narcissist, my husband went after my Achilles heel.
If you’re not familiar with the term, it is defined as a ‘weakness in spite of overall strength.’
We all have them.
The one thing which will bring us to our knees.
The narcissist is a manipulator and manipulators are smart. They understand how to puppet a situation to achieve their desired outcome. In short, they know how to win.
They know how to get what they want.
If you make a narcissist mad or make them fear they are losing control, they will punish you — via your Achilles heel.
I personally have three ‘heel triggers.’
I experienced a severe automobile accident at the age of nineteen and my father was an alcoholic. The aftermath of these two things leaves me with the accompanying baggage. I am not the best car passenger and I never wanted to experience any situation which involved alcohol abuse.
My third ‘heel trigger?’
My indescribable love for my children. They are the extreme ‘bring me to my knees’ kryptonite.
While my husband knew I was unhappy but still within his grasp, he targeted my first two vulnerabilities.
The man who had did not have a drinking problem began acting like one who did. It wasn’t long before I began to feel I was living with the same unpredictability I had experienced as a child.
At the same time, I began to dread car rides. My husband who I once felt safe with, would zoom up on cars and zig and zag out of traffic.
Stupidly, despite a diagnosis of Narcissistic Personality Disorder, the enabler in me chose to believe he was experiencing some type of mid-life crisis. Unfortunately, this ability to see the best in the worst is what makes the target of the narcissist even more susceptible.
Every single person who has unwittingly attached themselves to a narcissist MUST understand one thing.
This is where the narcissist is disabling the enabler. This is where they are weakening their prey. It is a calculated method of winning. Disarming the person they now view as their opponent.
And even more frightening? It works.
I became a weakened version of myself. Reliving a part of my past I never wanted to experience let alone my children experiencing it. His drinking made me feel a sense of desperation.
At a time when I needed my strength.
After a few years, I had enough.
I told my husband I wanted him to leave and this time he knew I meant it.
It suddenly became clear the aforementioned had simply been child’s play to the narcissist. The cat toying with the mouse.
I had inadvertently upped the narcissistic ante.
This led my husband to further expose the unsettling absence of empathy characteristic of those with Narcissistic Personality Disorder.
They will as I say, “use, confuse, and abuse their own children if they see it as a means to winning.”
Normal individuals won’t believe this.
They will say it is impossible and counter-intuitive this ‘great guy’ could hurt and endanger his own children to get the outcome he desires.
But those of us who have been devastated and ravaged by the narcissist will not only believe it — we will attest to it — we will seek others like us — we will cry for help.
We, the mothers and fathers who understand the ultimate desperation.
The urgency to shield our children from the narcissist.
We understand the incomprehensible. The anguish of attempting to protect our children from one parent.
A parent who will withhold resources or manipulate them to get what they want. A parent who will make evident they not only possess zero empathy but zero boundaries.
It was my undoing.
Watching my husband hurt my children to hurt me.
During the years my husband drank, I would always say the same thing.
“I am a mother. My three children deserve my attention. Stop taking my attention away from the ones who deserve it most and making everything about you.”
Who would have known those were the better years?
When he would still use drinking to hurt me.
Rather than the unimaginable.
The ‘bring me to my knees’ kryptonite.