Why You Should Be Careful Leaving a Narcissist

The reason it may be better if the narcissist chooses to leave first

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photo courtesy of Duong Nhan on Pexels

‘A wolf in sheep’s clothing’ is a phrase that dates back to both the Bible and Aesop’s Fables. It is a cautionary tale of someone who appears harmless but is actually quite dangerous.

An individual whose true nature initially remains hidden.

The narcissistic predator much like the lone wolf is about their own survival. Thus, it is best to let them wander the fields and pillage while staying out of their crosshairs.

If you interfere with their world…with their hunt…with their win — you will fare far worse.

If a narcissist chooses to leave their spouse they remain in control. It is their choice. Perhaps there has been an affair and they are leaving for another individual. Their next prey is on the horizon. This instance means no one has interfered with their world…with their hunt…with their win.

The narcissist's world remains intact.

The narcissist will still behave badly. They have no other choice. It is instinctual to them because they lack empathy.

However, because they are in control and have chosen to move on they will likely tire sooner than later.


Because to provoke the absolute worst in a narcissist, you must ‘in their eyes’ wrong them. The narcissist lives in their own perception of reality. They do not live in actual reality. This can be explained by their lack of empathy. No one else exists in their hemisphere. Thus, an individual who suffers from narcissistic personality disorder will stop at nothing to destroy someone they believe did them wrong. Someone who dared to mess with their world.

Hence, why choosing to leave a narcissist could prove even more disastrous.

A narcissist has an inflated sense of self. A camouflage for their actually fragile self-esteem. Who else fits this bill? The classic bully. And the narcissist is just that. A bully. If you don’t believe it. Attempt to leave one.

No one leaves the narcissist. How dare they? No one interrupts the narcissist's world…their hunt…their win. Only the narcissists will determine how life plays out.

The narcissistic bully will make sure a lesson is taught.

They will punish a person for daring to leave them. And this is why it may be better if the narcissist chooses to be the one to leave. When they believe they are in control and winning they will still be cold and ruthless — for a time.

But it can take years for a narcissist who feels like someone else won (by leaving) to stop the bullying and abuse.

They will not let a relationship end nor a divorce be finalized.

They will torture the person who left them in a manner befitting only a narcissist.

They will escalate to such a point you may even become frightened of them.

This is because of their alarming lack of empathy which makes them capable of operating outside of normal human boundaries.

The narcissist has no incentive for moving forward if you are the one to leave them. You upset the apple cart in their world. Now they have their sights set on only one prey.

This doesn’t mean you shouldn’t leave.

It means you should expect a different outcome from a narcissist who chooses to leave versus one you choose to leave.

It means you should be prepared.

Especially since the majority of the shepherds, aka, the world will never have the ability to see the wolf under the sheep’s clothing. The narcissist will remain a harmless and charming animal in their eyes. Only increasing the danger among the flock.

If you leave a narcissist, you will have unknowingly started a war.

Because if you interfere with their world…with their hunt…with their win — you will fare far worse.

National Relationship Columnist, Freelance Journalist & Former Business Columnist. All Shapes of Love — #WomanResurrected colleen.sheehy.orme@gmail.com

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